Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
