Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
