i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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