Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
