highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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