I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
