if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
