Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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