He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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