Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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