The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
