either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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