We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
