I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
