Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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