Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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