Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
