I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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