I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize