he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
