I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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