She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize