it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
