nut hugger
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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