we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
