turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
