so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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