if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
