he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
