I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize