I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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