The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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