I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
BRING THE BAGELS
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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