the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
