she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
