Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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