Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
