I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize