She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
