so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
