I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is Oprah even human
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
