this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize