The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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