don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
