I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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