And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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