i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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