Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I want to be your penis for a week.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
