just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
