some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
