Tell her she can't have a vagina
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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