we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Boobs are out for the taking
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
