I accidentally had phone sex last night
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
