do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
