Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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