he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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