When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm passing your future prison.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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