She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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