Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
