So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
