Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
