my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
