Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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