guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize