I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize