I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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