oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
