haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
