Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
